I once met a woman who was a hairdresser from Colombia. She had been in the U.S. for several months and spoke almost no English. She smoked cigarettes and drank strong Colombian coffee from morning till night. She worked long hours, ate little and poorly and had a host of physical complaints related to her lifestyle. When I went to get my hair cut we would nod and smile and I would show off my snappy command of the Spanish language by saying “Hi” and “Thank you very much.” I once tried to ask her how she was feeling. What I actually said was something like, “How does your bed feel?” Have you ever had a dog quizzically tilt his head and look at you with a mixture of confusion and pity in his eyes? She gave me that very same look and I quickly decided to stick to nodding and smiling, frequently and broadly.

She was a pleasant woman and I was somehow drawn to know more about her. I remember my ego subtly nagging me that there was no sense in getting to know her because (and now ego seized memory and the moment to support its argument) I shouldn’t be around smokers or people who abuse themselves by overworking and poor diet. She knows no English, I know no Spanish, and furthermore, she comes from a totally unfamiliar cultural and vocational background. Even if we could communicate, what would we talk about? “After all, Frank,” my ego now kicking into high gear, “You need to have ‘deep’ conversations to satisfy your intellectual appetite. And what if, being from Colombia she has drug ties…

Boy, what a crock! I couldn’t believe my thoughts. It was hard to accept that they were actually coming from me. But there they were, bold as boloney. But were those thoughts coming from me? Nothing was coming out of that part of me that was watching. That was just innocent observation of what the mind was thinking. Then in a flash I realized that those objections came from my memory. Outdated thoughts from my memory were dictating my present thinking and actions. I was both appalled and fascinated. It was like watching a car wreck in my own mind. I couldn’t turn away. And it is a good thing I didn’t.

I continued to be split in two, as it were, simultaneously observing and thinking. The observing “I” was never judging, never interfering with the impudent and “off to conquer the world” shenanigans of memory “me.” Even though my mind sputtered on relentlessly, as it always had, I felt a deep sense of benevolence; an intimate rapport with peace. I, as others have, came to call this delicious state of inner wakefulness, Self-awareness. Later once Quantum Entrainment was discovered I labeled this delicious state of self-surrender Eufeeling.

Several weeks later I had occasion to share a table with the Colombian hairdresser in the smoking section of a crowded restaurant. I listened, patiently aware of Eufeeling, as my mind reeled off the reasons I should not be in the smoking section with a smoker who didn’t speak English, and with whom I had only my graying hair in common.

I slid into the booth and smiled the kind of goofy smile that precedes a long, awkward silence. Then I proceeded to endure a long, awkward silence in which I truly believed I could feel my hair growing. Finally, just before my smiling muscles turned to knotted wood, I said, in my best Spanish, “Good water.”

“Si, in glass.”

“This is ketchup.”

“Si.”

“I like ketchup.”

“Si, it was red.”

… And so it went, thin slices of conversation sandwiched between thick slices of silence until the meal ended. All the while, I observed as judgments, leftovers from my memory, continued to jostle for dominance. Never interfering, I watched as memories bubbled up and burst on the surface of my consciousness.

Then I realized something most remarkable. As I quietly observed a thought, erupting into consciousness, it immediately dissipated, becoming a kind of silent energy. Memory was past energy, trapped and stagnant. All I did was quietly observe a thought as it was released from memory and it was liberated; prevented from recycling back and deepening attachment to the past. As I remained awake and innocently watched the process unfold, negative thought energy converted to a subtle healing energy. For years I had tried to win the war against negative thoughts and all I ever had to do was…well, was nothing! Waking up and watching is effortless and immediate. How simple, how utterly brilliant. All evening I had been dining on the Self and as the corporeal meal was winding down, my new friend asked, “You want sweet food?”

“No thank you.” I responded, “I’m feeling deliciously full.”

Tossing the tip on the table, I felt a deep sense of calm as if everything was just as it should be. If I had listened to the echoes from my memory, I would have been sniffing my clothes for smoke and mentally highlighting the awkward moments that dominated an otherwise innocent adventure. Instead I was at peace. During the months that followed I learned more about the Colombian I broke bread with. We eventually became friends and parts of my life have been greatly enriched because I chose to observe, rather than react to the mania of my memory.

Reflexively, my head turned toward the sound of a breaking plate, and then more slowly back to the middle-aged woman sitting across from me. We were at a small marbled table in a trendy café. It was an island of equanimity cluttered with mid-morning deserters from a chaotic world that waited, like an expectant father, just beyond the glass doors.

She was a friend, visiting Sarasota for a few weeks to soak up a compassionate winter sun. We had been catching up on each other’s lives. She told me about her children, her job and the health issues she was dealing with. She set her cup down and when she raised her eyes they had lost the sparkle that had played there just moments before. I waited. When she broke the silence her voice was muted and her mood pensive.

She said with real concern, “You have said that in order to have inner peace we must lose our hope. Hope is all I have with my diabetes. If I were to lose hope I would have nothing.”

“What is wrong with nothing?” I asked.

She looked at me in disbelief. “If I have nothing I…I lose who I am. Just thinking about it makes me feel empty, abandoned.”

She seemed to shrink before my eyes, a kind of caving in on her self.

”Giving up hope,” She shared, “Is giving up life!”

Let’s try a little experiment, O.K.?” I encouraged her, “But you will have to trust me, do exactly as I ask.”

She was tentative but agreed, and I asked her to close her eyes. She placed both hands on the table, laced her fingers and let her flickering eyelids close. Behind her lids, her eyes darted about, not willing to be seduced by the soothing darkness that now surrounded them.

I said, “Let go of your hope. Let nothing take its place. What do you feel?”

After a few uneasy seconds she protested, “I feel afraid; anxious…I am very uncomfortable. I don’t like doing this.”

“Stay with me,” I encouraged, “Which emotion is the strongest?”

“Fear.” she said quietly.

Gently I instructed, “Instead of turning away from your fear, look at it closely. Become acutely aware of your fear. As you watch it, it will change.”

“What is happening to your fear now that you are watching it?” I asked.

“At first it got stronger. I wanted to open my eyes.” she replied, “Now it is like a pale shadow. It is like my awareness is the sun and the fear is burning away like fog!”

“Go on, continue observing your fear.” I encouraged.

A few moments later I noticed a change in her breathing and asked, “What do you see now?”

“Nothing.” Came her answer.

“Do you feel fear?” I asked.

“No, I feel nothing.” She repeated.

I said, “Pay attention to the nothing like you did the fear. What do you feel?”

“I feel peace, completely at peace.” She said with some surprise.

Her body was relaxed and her face glowed. Her eyelids had stopped flickering and her eyes were at rest. They must have found what they were looking for.

I asked her to open her eyes and as she did her lips parted in a gargantuan smile. She asked, “What just happened?”

Fear is a shadow that creates other shadows like anxiety, dread and remorse. Shadows grow darker in the subconscious when the conscious mind turns away from them. Hope turns the mind away from the present, where peace resides, and entices it to dwell on the future. Hope, like the future, is an illusion. Hope, like happiness, is conditional. Peace is unconditional and always present. Unconditional means it is free from things and ideas and emotions; free from the agony of opposites like right and wrong, birth and death, good and bad. Nothing is also unconditional and free from opposites. Nothing is the progenitor of peace. We don’t really fear nothing. We fear the idea of nothing. Peace is the movie screen upon which these shadows are thrown to create the illusion of life. Upon quiet inspection you will see through the phantom of fear, and its specter offspring, to the peace that is radiating just beyond. Peace is always there in the background, like a loving mother watching her child at play.

We spoke of many things that morning and the time to part came quickly. We stood up from the table and looked around the still crowded café.

I said, “You still have diabetes, but without hope you will be at peace with it.”

My friend gave me a big smile and a bigger hug. Then we turned and stepped through the glass doors to embrace the chaos beyond.

Video: Stop Thought Experience

Book: The Kinslow System: Your Path to Proven Success

CD: Exercises for Quantum Living

You became aware of Self when thoughts shut off. When they started up again you were able to continue observing. Before thoughts, Self was observing Self. After thoughts, Self was still observing Self, only now Self had taken the form of thoughts. Thoughts were formed out of Stillness, the silent Self. Thoughts are things. Other things, trees, stars and cars, are also Self that have taken form. When you observe any form with complete awareness you will find its shimmering essence to be nothing other than You, Eufeeling, the ever-present Self. This is the God-to-God relationship. It does not matter whether you are observing another human, nature or your own personal form of God. When you are Self-aware, aware of Eufeeling, you are God becoming aware of God.

Angels look at humans and just shake their heads. These “lower” beings with muddled, misdirected minds, and vulgar bodies filled with phlegm and gas, are the same beings who can transcend even the most exalted celestial realms to know the Unknowable. The human is unique in this regard. He is capable of experiencing the deepest hell and the highest heaven all in a single lifetime. This gift of extremes opens his awareness to the fullest expression of creation. After all, what does an angel know of suffering? With feet in the mud and head in the heavens, the human awakens to the fullness of creation.

This enlightened soul moves amongst us lightening our load without being burdened himself. He is like the fairest thought drifting above the heaviness that is human. The enlightened soul is free from suffering but his expanded awareness has a price. After the suffering has slipped away there remains a kind of cosmic sadness. His world is beyond all others and yet he is still touched by our suffering. All is perfection save for that chamber of his heart where he holds his love of humanity. His relationship is with the whole, not the parts. He cannot be fully free while others suffer. For him the perfect relationship will not spread its wings and take flight until every cocoon has birthed its butterfly.

Our part in a relationship is this, to take responsibility for our own awareness. The rest will take care of itself. This is a leap of faith for most and reality for the rest. Our partner doesn’t need to stop squeezing the toothpaste from the top of the tube. We need to be aware. That is it. That is how simple it is. The perfect relationship starts and ends with awareness of the Self. When Self-awareness dawns, the binding threads of our cocoon loosen and finally fall away, releasing a fully aware soul into the world.

Discover QE Today: http://kinslowsystem.com/discover.html

John M Koller, author and professor of oriental philosophies, bluntly illustrates how man cannot possibly exist separate from his God. He states, “If whatever is is dependent upon another, then any kind of “straight line” causality is ruled out. There are no independent beings that are responsible for the existence of dependent beings. For example, the theistic notion that one absolutely independent being—God—created the rest of what exists, and that created universe depends for its existence upon God, makes no sense…whatever creates is also created, and the process of creating and being created go on simultaneously without beginning or end.”

Through the discriminative eye of science Erwin Schrodinger, one of the founders of quantum mechanics and author of the infamous thought experiment Schrodinger’s Cat, had this to say about the barrier between man and God, “Subject and object are only one. The barrier between them cannot be said to have broken down as a result of recent experience in the physical sciences, for this barrier does not exist.”

And finally, the founder of the doctrine of advaita, exposing the illusory relationship between man and God, these words still inspire a sense of space and undulating impermanence centuries after Shankara spoke them.

Though difference be none, I am of Thee,

Not Thou, O Lord, of me;

For of the sea is verily the Wave,

Not of the Wave the Sea.

Like the assimilation of Newtonian physics by quantum physics, the God-to-God relationship assimilates the other three human-oriented forms of interaction. You see, there is only one possible relationship to be had, and that is God-to-God. The other three are only illusions, divisions for the sake of convenience. A relationship becomes human when the human mind is in charge. It becomes Divine when the mind and the rest of the world are perceived from universality. What is doing the perceiving? Eufeeling, the limitless Self. What is Self? It is unbounded Energy, Intelligence and Love. Self is God. Pure perception is Self-awareness, God becoming aware of God. That is, God becoming aware that all things and nothing is It Self!

When you look at a flower, you are either relating human-to-nature or God-to-God. The only difference is your perception at that moment. If your mind is stuck in common consciousness, then you are interacting with the flower human-to-nature. However, if you are aware of Eufeeling, aware of the stillness that permeates all three, the perceiver, the perceived and the process of perceiving, then God perceives God through the medium of God. That’s all there is to it.

Have you ever noticed a gap in your thinking when no thoughts were there? (If not read The Secret of Instant Healing – The Space Between Your Thoughts.) At first you saw it as a gap, a space between thoughts. Mental content was suspended and only awareness remained. Repeating the experience, the gap got bigger and you recognized that the space was not dead, but vibrantly alive. Then you were faced with a paradox. If you were not thinking and your mind was free of content, then how were you aware that there were no thoughts? You, Pure Awareness were observing you, Pure Existence. Self had become aware of Self. In this single innocent experience, God found God!

[Continued next week – How Does Perception Affect Your Relationship? (Final Part VIII)]

At first glance there are three basic kinds of relationships that humans enjoy. These are human-to-human, human-to-nature and human-to-God relationships. In all three the element that remains the same is the human. It is the human who defines the relationship. Even the human-to-God relationship is defined by the mind of man. A fourth relationship exists and steps beyond the limitations of mind.

The fourth relationship is the God-to-God relationship. As soon as you read “God-to-God” some of you may have experienced an unexpected reaction. It may have been subtle but you may have felt a little isolated or left out or even a little irritated or sad. After all, God-to-God has eliminated the human element, and I am a human. Therefore, I cannot be a part of the God-to-God relationship. Not so. In fact, it is your birthright as a human to live the God-to-God relationship. Actually, you are living it. The trick is to realize it.

If you think I’ve gone “round the bend” on this one then I’m in good company. This perception that man is God has reverberated down through the ages by seers and scientists of every generation.

Christ said, “Where I am there shall also my servant be.” And about this quote Meister Eckhart elucidated, “So thoroughly does the soul become the same being that God is, no less, and this is as true as God is God.”

Walt Whitman wrote in “A Song for Occupations”

 We consider bibles and religions divine—I do not say they are not divine,

I say they have all grown out of you, and may grow out of you still,

It is not they who give the life, it is you who give the life,

Leaves are not more shed from the trees, or trees from the earth,

Than they are shed out of you.

Next week we will entertain a couple of perceptions from scientists to see if God can find God.

[Continued next week – How Does Perception Affect Your Relationship? (Part VII)]

“Why bother?” you say. Why can’t we just stay to ourselves? That’s a thought born of struggle and conflict produced when relationships are too much work or pain. While there are a few individuals who are truly at home by themselves, most of us are addicted to the touch, the sound, and the warmth of other human beings. Why is that? Why are we drawn so strongly into interactions with others that ultimately prove hurtful and frustrating?

Think on this question awhile. It is important in coming to know lasting peace. What is the reason for relationships? Why do they exist?

Most of us enter a relationship because we think we will get something out of it. Isn’t that so? Depending on the kind of relationship, we may look to realize friendship, protection, money, excitement or danger, intellectual stimulation or physical pleasure. The list is a very long one indeed. The dynamics of the meeting of any two people are unique, never the same. Then, is the purpose of relating with another solely for gain?

Yes! The answer to the question “Why do relationships exist?” is that they do so solely for gain. But, and this is a very important “but”, they do not exist solely for our selfish gain, quite the contrary. Relationships are not strengthened by more money, control or time. They are not even justified by increasing the intensity of love between two people. Tolle hit it right on the button when he said, “A relationship is to make you aware—not happy.” Relationships exist for the sole purpose of waking us up, a chance for “me” to become aware of “I”. They force us to become aware of Eufeeling.

If you are looking for a relationship to make you happy or safe or experience love more deeply, forget it. While you may experience these things intermittently and for brief interludes, you will never be able to own them. At the end of a relationship you can look back and see the times you were happy or feeling love. But if you are honest with yourself you will realize that most of your time in the relationship was spent in your mind. Solely from the vantage point of your mind, you massaged and manipulated your partner to get what you felt you needed. They were doing the same. Because neither “me” was aware of the universality of their own inner essence they could not recognize universality of their partner.

Asking “why” you behave in a certain way will only lead to more “whys.” Answering “why” will have you chasing your tail. You will think you are getting somewhere but in the end you will have only exhausted yourself, or at the very least become quite dizzy. Even if you catch your tail, what have you caught? The tail is attached to the dog, which is attached to the tail…Neither chasing nor catching your problems will end them. Nor will you find the ultimate solution. Finding out why you behave a certain way only encourages you to delve more deeply into your difficulties. Remember, your problems are not the problem. Your suffering will not end by changing your behavior. Your behavior will change by ending your suffering.

When something goes wrong it shakes us awake. As soon as we wake up to the fact that something is wrong we try to fix it. The waking-up part is good. The fixing part is misguided. It is misguided because one-and-a-half thoughts after we wake up our memory kicks in and we slip back into common consciousness. That’s right we wake up, fluff our pillow a couple of times, roll over and fall back asleep. Warm and cozy, we dream a wonderful dream, that the two “railway lines” will one day meet not on the horizon, but at our very feet.

[Continued next week – How Does Perception Affect Your Relationship? (Part VI)]

When we accept the image of ourselves that is generated by ego we separate ourselves from what we perceive as other images. The image “me” interacts with the image “you.” Everything is great as long as the image “you” supports the image “me.” Bohm taught us that even the image of “you” is created by “me.”

I do not see you as you really are. I see you as my mind wants to see you. You are perceived by “me” as filtered through my ego-influenced mind. That is how “you” is created by “me.” Who you really are is a mystery. It has nothing to do with the image I have created and call “you.” While I was creating an image of “you”, you were busy creating an image of me. We are like two puppeteers each working our own puppet. So engrossed are we in making the puppets interact we never take time to see who is actually pulling the strings of the other puppet.

Krishnamurti revealed that when you have an image of yourself you create a division between yourself and another. He told us that relationships are created between two images that thought has created. He further revealed that the two images have their own needs and desires. They have their own agendas and live virtually isolated taking comfort in the illusion of agreement. Krishnamurti said. “…the images run parallel, like two railway lines, never meeting, except perhaps in bed…What a tragedy it has become.” And then, he asks a poignant and most powerful question “Is thought love?”

Thought is love, conditional love. Thought is love never-lasting. Thought, born of the common consciousness mind, created “me” and dictates the conditions under which “me” can love. Conditional love is subservient to conditions. Conditions are always changing. Therefore, love is always changing. It can be no other way. You cannot stay in love. It is impossible. Flirting with conditional love is living a lie. You cannot live the illusion of conditional love when Universal Love is only a heartbeat away. Your Self, another name for Eufeeling, will not allow it. And that is a good thing…

You may also be interested in viewing this video on Eufeeling and ego: Can Eufeeling Overcome Ego?

[Continued next week – How Does Perception Affect Your Relationship? (Part V)]

Falling in love is a tornado of emotions that lifts us off this ordinary earth to land us lightly in heaven. Through our love we perceive a perfect partner. Everything they do is perfect. Those things and people that upset us before, like a boorish boss, cold coffee or a longwinded neighbor, all pale in the bright light of love. We walk in the clouds for days or even months. But sooner or later we fall back to earth. Why? Why? Why does it always happen that way? No matter how long the relationship lasts we can never recapture the sheer power of first days of love.

We can’t capture love’s intensity for long because we have not earned it. When “me” falls in love it gets a taste of the banquet that “I” enjoys every day. The difference is that there is no single object of affection, no thing that is responsible for the love of “I.” “I” loves all things, without reason, without exception. And therein lies the difference. “I” loves without reason and “me” looks for reasons to love. Reasons for loving are born of ego-manipulated mind and subject to its futile pursuit of perfection.

Sooner or later our mate’s mask of perfection begins to show signs of wear. Like the theater masks of comedy and tragedy, our smile slowly slumps into a frown. In all likelihood we think that they are responsible for us losing love. We still love them but not like before. Our love takes on more of an intellectual flavor. We may even catch ourselves mentally making a list of the good things about our partner in an effort to persuade ourselves that we still love as much as we always have. A later list may drop any pretense of positive qualities in favor of more negative behaviors. In time, we yield to the reality that the “thrill is gone” and settle into quiet complacency. Or we may actively aggravate our partner in a subconscious effort to relieve our pain. There have been thousands of books written on how to keep your love alive. The truth is it never had a chance to begin with.

Okay, I know it is a heck of a note to break on but not to worry. Everything will work out in the end…you will see!

[Continued next week – How Does Perception Affect Your Relationship? (Part IV)]

What we are asking is, “Is it possible to have a problem-free relationship?” The answer is, “Of course, as soon as we remove the problem.” The “problem” as you may already know is the mind’s perception of the relationship. Your mind creates an image of what you are from memory. Relying on memory for our sense of “me” we divide the world into friend and foe, into things that can help “me” and things that are a threat to maintaining the image of “me.”

Our “I” perception is of oneness, wholeness, and unity. (Another name for “I” is Eufeeling.) Our “me” perception evolves out of our sense of separation from “I”. “Me” is ego swept away by the things and thoughts of this world. “I” transcends them.

When we “fall in love” it is “me” that does the falling. “I” is always in Love. In the moment, “I” has no need to analyze or to protect Itself. But “me” is always jostling for the upper hand. So when “me” meets she or he, “me” starts ticking off the pros and cons of a possible alliance. Can this person give me what I need? Will he or she hurt me? What “me” sees is filtered through outdated memory. (All memory is by definition outdated.) I lives in the present. After the tally of the person in question is complete, which may take only seconds, “me” proclaims yea or nay. Or it may decide to stay judgment until more data can be accumulated.

Does this seem a little stilted and devoid of humanness? We may feel that meeting someone new is effortless and we either like them or we don’t. “We don’t keep a score card,” you say, “of good points and bad.” Of course that is the way it looks at normal speed. But if we had a mental remote with a slow forward button we could examine our inner mental workings more closely. Impressions and sensations take place at the speed of light. If we are not paying attention they will run away with us. This is exactly what happens when we fall in love.

[Continued next week – How Does Perception Affect Your Relationship? (Part III)]

If it is true that one man’s perfect is another man’s pain then perfection is a product of perception. And perception is affected by our level of common consciousness, our ability to observe clearly the perfection of this moment. That means that there are an infinite number of perceptions of perfection, as many as there are perceivers. So, what to do?

Do you remember the two simple rules that I use to guide my life? (Read QE Blog: The Rule of Two) Whenever I feel things are “going wrong” I revisit these two simple axioms for greater awareness. They are 1) life is ultimately harmonious and 2) things are not as I see them. Taking the negative stance we could say that if things are not making sense (rule 1) then it is my perception (rule 2) that needs adjusting. The first thing this does is put all apparent problems where they belong, squarely on my shoulders. I stop blaming other circumstances or people for my pain. I can’t even blame myself for my suffering. Basically, all problems are then reduced to a distorted perception of what is. The second thing that this understanding affords us is a definition of perfection that embraces all individual definitions.

When the conditional love relationship hits on hard times the most common perspective is that the other person is not performing up to our expectations. When money is the issue then our partner either doesn’t make enough money or spends too much, or both. If we are feeling emotionally deprived then we feel our partner is the cause. They are too distant, demanding or needy. A second common perspective on the failure of a relationship is that we are the cause of disharmony. We might blame ourselves for being emotionally, mentally, physically, socially or even financially at fault. But it really doesn’t matter who’s at fault, or why. We can brush all that aside. That’s right. Go ahead, just let all that nonsense slip away. Finding fault and trying to fix it only creates more fault. The “fix.” if you haven’t already figured it out, is to realize that there is nothing to fix.

[Continued next week – How Does Perception Affect Your Relationship? (Part II)]