Why? Why can’t we maintain the intensity of those early days of romantic love? (The Romantic Relationship) Because romantic love is conditional love and we humans were built for a much grander adventure. Even the more mature love that builds between two people over a lifetime is largely dependent on conditions. In the beginning of such a relationship we may feel that if we are honest and open with the other person. We feel that if we work together we will grow in love together. But that is an illusion. It is as if you and your partner were standing on opposite rails of a train track that stretch out before you disappearing into the horizon. On the horizon the two rails appear to meet, to come together at a single point. But that is an illusion. No matter how far we travel together on our separate rails of the railroad of life, (I know, I know…that’s really corny.) when we reach the horizon we will still be separate. That is because we are human and being human means being unique. (The Illusion of Love)
No two of us see the world in exactly the same way. We have different needs, interests, talents, life experience, genes, physical needs, and so on. All of these characteristics affect how we see our world. Two people in a long-term relationship are especially aware of the differences between each other. In fact, it is the differences that complement our relationships. They strengthen them, give them energy and flexibility. But love is not built on differences. Love grows out of that which is the same in us. (Love Your Self)
Like two flowers in a garden each have their roots in the same fertile soil. Drawing nourishment from the soil each radiates their innate and individual beauty to be enjoyed by the other. If they cannot draw sustenance from the soil they weaken. In their weakness they neither reflect their full beauty nor can they appreciate the beauty of another.
It is this same soil that supports and feeds the two flowers. It is the unbounded nature and pure reflection of Eufeeling that supports and nourishes each of us. Eufeeling is that single soil and when we are aware of Eufeeling we are aware of that sameness from which we all draw our basic sustenance. Awareness of Eufeeling brings peace and joy and love. Awareness of Eufeeling in others does the same.
Unconditional love is unbounded love. That means that it is everywhere all the time. So you do not have to work together over a lifetime to become something that you already are. It is not hard to grow in unbounded love together. It is impossible! You already have all the love that you need. Or more accurately, you already are the love that you seek. You need only become aware of it. And that, as it turns out is as easy as having your next thought.
A connection between two people is actually three entities. For instance if you and I were friends there would be the “you” entity, the “me” entity and, where we two overlap and bond, the “us” entity. You are responsible for you and I am responsible for me and we are responsible for that part of our lives that overlap and influence each other.
I like to represent this you – me – us triad as two overlapping circles with a shared common area between them. The overlapping “we” area is often referred to as a vesica piscis revealed in many varied disciplines from science to religion. I just think it is an excellent depiction for our purposes here.
You and I have our separate lives. We are individuals beyond our relationship but when we come together we create a synergy far greater than the sum of our individual lives. The “us”, the vesica piscis, is a vibrant, seething, presence which is created when we merge and it can live long after we separate in the moments and the memories of all those we have touched.
So what we bring to a relationship is of ultimate importance. If you and I come to take from each other we create a wounded vesica piscis, distorted by our own cravings. Those distortions are amplified many times over and are ultimately damaging to us and all that we touch. If one of us comes to give and the other take the vesica piscis is healthier but still wanting. You can look at giving and taking like waves which interfere with each other. If the positive waves are more numerous and stronger they will neutralize the negative waves and vice versa. But when both of us come together with the idea of giving the vesica piscis miraculously transforms into an ocean of love. (I define love as the coming together of differences to create harmony.) And out of this love new and wonderful worlds are created.
When we enter a relationship aware of Eufeeling giving is the natural result. It really is quite amazing and yet the most natural experience two people can have. We are losing the ability to give effortlessly and unconditionally. But that is easy to fix. It is after all our natural state of being. We need only let our essence mingle and merge with the essence of others. Then, awash in the waves of mutual love, turn to the next waiting heart.
Eufeeling!: The Art of Creating Inner Peace and Outer Prosperity (Book)
Eufeeling!: The Art of Creating Inner Peace and Outer Prosperity (Kindle)
Exercises For Quantum Living (CD)
Almost assuredly the most prominent stumbling block in a relationship is miscommunication. It insidiously worms its way into every level of our dealings with others despite our most sincere and concerted efforts to eliminate it. Why, despite our every exertion to the contrary, does miscommunication continue to thrive?
Let’s start with you, the center of creation, at least from your individual perspective. While you can “walk a mile in another man’s shoes” it is still you who is walking in them. You can never completely know what universe they inhabit. Isn’t that true? How many times have you felt that you were in perfect agreement with another person only to find out that you are not only on different pages but are reading out of completely different books. Of one thing you can be absolutely sure, no other person sees the world exactly as you do. So this is our starting point, each of us sees the world differently and while we can share our hopes and loves and fears with others they can never entirely know our world.
Obviously, we can’t fully know there’s either. Our genetic hardwiring and life experience create a chasm impossible to transcend. We can only stand on our precipice and peer across the gulf offering directions and shouting support from afar. So are our relationships forever doomed, our true identity hopelessly concealed from the ones we love? The answer is, “No!” That is because our differences are not our “true identity.”
There is a sameness within us all, a foundation upon which a stable, vibrant, and loving relationship can be built. This common foundation I call Eufeeling. Once Eufeeling is appreciated it unites us, engaging individual differences on a common thread like a string of pearls. Just as the beauty of each pearl is enhanced by its neighbors so individual differences of a Eufeeling relationship shine with the luster of love. Miscommunication will necessarily always exist but it does not need to add to the struggle and strife of a relationship. In the light of Eufeeling, miscommunication softens and submits to the overpowering influence of harmony and love.
Book: Eufeeling!: The Art of Creating Inner Peace and Outer Prosperity
Kindle: Eufeeling!: The Art of Creating Inner Peace and Outer Prosperity
Audiobook: Eufeeling!: The Art of Creating Inner Peace and Outer Prosperity
The perfect relationship is not some unattainable, half-baked, philosophical, pie-in-the-sky idea. It is a reality simple to attain if you know the rules. Note I said simple, not easy. The perfect relationship takes work to be sure but it is a labor of love. The perfect relationship is exciting and exhilarating. It is also trying and demanding. But it will never be boring. The problem with 99.9% of interpersonal relationships is that one or both parties do not understand how a relationship naturally unfolds and grows towards fruition.
Any relationship between you and another person has three basic elements; there’s the “you” element, the “them” element, and the “we” element. You have control over your self, the “you” element. They are responsible for “them” and you work together on “we.”
Obviously, “you” is the foundation and starting point for any relationship. You must be at home with who you are, your inner essence as it were, if you expect your relationship to flourish. As it turns out this is the easy part. Quantum Entrainment helps restore health and harmony to body and mind from your very first experience. (To learn more about Quantum Entrainment visit The Kinslow System website at: www.Kinslowsystem.com)
Dr. George Land has provided us with a perfectly beautiful roadmap to navigate the trials and tribulations of the “we” element of your relationship. George is a Pulitzer Prize submitted author, a general systems scientist and discoverer of Transformation Theory. He studies patterns of creativity and growth in everything from subatomic particles to chemical clocks to international business. He discovered that every level of life follows three distinct phases of creativity and growth. In a recent conversation over a cup of tea, George told me that interpersonal relationships are no exception. Relationships can be enriched and encouraged by understanding these unique phases of growth and transformation. (If you would like to know more about the three universal phases of growth pick up a copy of Breakpoint and Beyond by George Land and Beth Jarman.)
So, what’s the formula for a perfect relationship? First “Know Thy Self” then know where thy self is headed. Do QE to increase harmony, health, and happiness then share it in alignment with the natural laws of growth and transformation. You will be amazed at how very much fulfilling and fun growing a relationship can be. (If you would like to attend the QE workshop on relationships check for dates/locations at: http://www.kinslowsystem.com/workshops.html)