Falling in love is a tornado of emotions that lifts us off this ordinary earth to land us lightly in heaven. Through our love we perceive a perfect partner. Everything they do is perfect. Those things and people that upset us before, like a boorish boss, cold coffee or a longwinded neighbor, all pale in the bright light of love. We walk in the clouds for days or even months. But sooner or later we fall back to earth. Why? Why? Why does it always happen that way? No matter how long the relationship lasts we can never recapture the sheer power of first days of love.
We can’t capture love’s intensity for long because we have not earned it. When “me” falls in love it gets a taste of the banquet that “I” enjoys every day. The difference is that there is no single object of affection, no thing that is responsible for the love of “I.” “I” loves all things, without reason, without exception. And therein lies the difference. “I” loves without reason and “me” looks for reasons to love. Reasons for loving are born of ego-manipulated mind and subject to its futile pursuit of perfection.
Sooner or later our mate’s mask of perfection begins to show signs of wear. Like the theater masks of comedy and tragedy, our smile slowly slumps into a frown. In all likelihood we think that they are responsible for us losing love. We still love them but not like before. Our love takes on more of an intellectual flavor. We may even catch ourselves mentally making a list of the good things about our partner in an effort to persuade ourselves that we still love as much as we always have. A later list may drop any pretense of positive qualities in favor of more negative behaviors. In time, we yield to the reality that the “thrill is gone” and settle into quiet complacency. Or we may actively aggravate our partner in a subconscious effort to relieve our pain. There have been thousands of books written on how to keep your love alive. The truth is it never had a chance to begin with.
Okay, I know it is a heck of a note to break on but not to worry. Everything will work out in the end…you will see!
[Continued next week – How Does Perception Affect Your Relationship? (Part IV)]